NOEMI SCHLOSSER
STAGE DIRECTOR, PLAYWRIGHT & COACH
DATE ME! TRILOGY
Premiere Belgium 2007
Premiere Chicago 2011
Premiere Tel Aviv 2015
What started as a sexy social international experiment ended up in a DATE ME! trilogy.
Schlosser dated extensively on 3 continents and encountered many, many funny, scary, interesting, boring, surprising but mostly culturally defining situations. These are the foundations of the three very different DATE ME! performances.
A full decade passed between the first research dates in Antwerp (Belgium) and the last performances in Tel Aviv (Israel). A decade where online dating went from almost taboo, to socially acceptable to part of regular -pop- culture and a full range of popular dating apps to prove it.
During the first Belgian performances, the actresses were interrupted by live text messages, by the American shows the world had evolved to smartphones, and finally by the third production social media and live feeds were changing the ball game for both the story telling and the characters.
CHARACTERS
The Antwerp and Chicago version is for
2 female actresses in their 30s,
one male in his late 30s.
The Tel Aviv version is for two actresses only.
FOR MORE INFORMATION, VIDEOS AND PRESS PLEASE GO TO DATE ME!
DATE ME! TLV
Two female characters, Yifat, Israeli Sabra & Ayala, Olah Chadasha sitting and drinking at the bar at a wedding.
Ayala
Let me tell you how I know, what I know. My ’last’ one… would never sleep over. At first I thought it was because of my roommate. Instead he asked me to sleep over his place. So we are having that perfect little evening together, we watch Masterchef he gives me a foot massage, there are candles, we have jachnoun and after that ice cream, I mean perfect. We go to bed, we have sex, I fall asleep… In the middle of the night, around 3 am, I wake up and he is gone… and I’m in his house.
Yifat
NO!
Ayala
Yes! And he is not in the bathroom, he is not watching TV, I look outside… his car is gone!
Yifat
NO! What the fuck?
Ayala
A few hours later, it’s already light outside and I’m kind of still awake when I hear him come in. I pretend to sleep. He takes off his clothes, goes back to bed, another hour or so later the alarm goes off and he kisses me, asks me how I slept and makes Israeli breakfast as if nothing happened…
Yifat
In Israel Israeli breakfast is just breakfast, honey…
Ayala
What?
Yifat
Nothing… Did you ask about it?
Ayala
No, I mean everything was going so well I didn’t want to fuck it up. A few nights later I stay over again, but I’m like ‘I’m not going to sleep’. Around 2 am he wakes up, gets dressed and he gets a phone call. It’s very short, all I hear him say is:” I’m on my way” and he leaves…
Yifat
And did he come back?
Ayala
It’s his house… Around 6ish he comes home, gets back to bed, he kisses me, I pretend to sleep and when the alarm goes off he makes …Israe….regular breakfast as if nothing happened…. Every time I slept over, it was like that, and whenever I asked him to stay at my place, he made excuses why he had to leave.
Yifat
Like you would have sex and then he would get dressed and leave?
Ayala
Yes
Yifat
You sure it was a relationship?
Ayala
I told you I even thought he might be the one.
Yifat
But he would never sleep over? Ever? I would not trust that guy. And trust is the one thing I am not willing to compromise about. Except if he is Mossad…Do you think he is Mossad? That would be so freaking hot if he was Mossad…
Ayala
Wait…
Yifat
…But if you asked him, he would have to kill you right?...
Ayala
But he…
Yifat
you’re into choking anyway…Fucking a Mossad agent. Waowoawoaw…
Ayala
He ISN’T!
Yifat
Oh, basa…so what? He has a secret life and a secret family?
Ayala
Worse…
Yifat
He has a secret life and two secret families?
Ayala
What? worse…
Yifat
What kind of car does he have? White Mercedes: drug dealer.
Ayala
He has a Subaru.
Yifat
Wha-at! You are such an olah! You’re dating an ars???! And you don’t even know!
Ayala
No! No! Worse…
Yifat
What could be worse than dating an ars?
Ayala
Way worse. The next time he left, I was waiting for him. I hear him come home, he turns the key, opens the door, and I’m there – just like in the movies - I switch on the light. He’s super surprised, I’m dressed, sitting on a chair and smoking a cigarette…
Yifat
Very film noir…
Ayala
I know. I tell him to stop right there, and take off his clothes.
Yifat
Why?
Ayala
Because I could…
Yifat
Nice.
Ayala
So at first he obviously misreads the situation and thinks he is going to get any, but then he understands that it’s quite the opposite and that I am pissed off and not in a kinky mood…So he is naked and I ‘m whispering still sitting in the chair: ”Where were you?”. Then he tells me that ‘it’s complicated’ and that ‘it’s not what I’m thinking’…
Yifat
He actually said that? How rude.
Ayala
So I throw my cigarette bud at him and tell him to choose: Me or whatever it is you’re doing at night.
Yifat
But what was he doing?
Ayala
I tell him I have every right to give him an ultimatum…
Yifat
I would have done exactly the same!
Ayala
Exactly! Then he tells me he’s part of a Kabbalah study group…
Yifat
What?!
Ayala
And they study at night…all night…
Yifat
And those secret phone calls?
Ayala
Carpooling…
Yifat
I don’t know what to say…
Ayala
I didn’t either, so I left. Dating that guy was like watching a car crash… and I am the car…
jewish week NY. odt